The True Life of the Fabulous Draco Malfoy
by CatchingForRain
Summary: The books tell us of how Harry saved Hogwarts. What they don't tell us, is just how damn awesome/scary/pimpish Draco Malfoy was during school.


**A/N: So, hello. This is my first ever proper Harry Potter fanfic. *dramatic music* Therefore I apologize if it's rather terrible/disjointed/lame.**

**EXPLANATION: This is will basically be a group of oneshots that are linked by one thing: Draco Malfoy. I aim for them to be light and humorous, but some of them may be something completely different or whatnot. This will be my little side project, so don't expect to many updates or for it to be actually that good. I'd appreciate it if you reviewed, because it's lovely to hear from you :3**

**ON THIS CHAPTER: Neville takes a relaxing break in the greenhouses and gets stalked. In the non-sexual way. Probably.**

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><p>Neville hummed to himself brightly as he watered the several rows of plants that decorated his windowsill. The sun shone strongly through the thick glass, although the winter rays did not do much to warm the Gryffindor tower. The only true heat to be found was at the large hearth down in the common room, or when Ron complained so much about 'getting frostbite', Hermione caved and made him one of her patented blue fires. This would then sit in the centre of the room, keeping a constant toasty temperature within the normally frosty room.<p>

Now, on an unnaturally summery day for the middle of winter, Neville was planning a day in the Herbology greenhouses. He had finished an overly long Astronomy essay the night previously, and now anticipated relaxing in the cosy atmosphere and attempting to make a passable attempt at a foot long Potions assignment.

A grunt from a bed across the room knocked Neville out of his peaceful reverie, and back into the early morning feeling of 'Why am I awake at this time?'

"Neville, for the love of all things that are good, why- WHY- are you up and whistling?" Ron Weasley grumbled angrily from his pillow, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric.

"Haven't you seen the weather? It's beautiful out!" Neville exclaimed far too cheerfully for eight in the morning on a Saturday. He reached for the curtain by Ron's bed, and yanked it open.

"What are you- ARGHHHHH!" Ron screamed, scrabbling for his bed covers and yanking them up above his head. "You're bloody crazy, Neville!"

At Ron's last obscenely loud statement, a few other heads appeared above duvets, squinting against the morning sunlight. In the bed on the other side of Ron's, and hand appeared and started groping around on the bedside table to find a pair of misplaced glasses.

"Ron, why are you yelling THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING!" Seamus yelled from the opposite end of the room, sitting upright and glaring openly at his red haired friend.

Neville snorted, grabbed his school bag and made for the exit before a major fight could break out. He wished everyone a good day, before disappearing down the stairs to the common room, once more whistling to himself.

The common room was sparsely populated, as it always was at this time of the morning. The only inhabitants were a few sleepy looking first years who were writing on parchment and, of course, Crookshanks. The cat blinked wearily as Neville passed by him, his eyes watched as the boy quickly trotted towards the exit, eagerly trying to get away from the cats' unnerving gaze. Neville shrugged his bag onto his shoulder, and was just about to push open the Fat Lady's portrait when he stopped dead.

Several minutes later he opened the portrait, clutching the piece of paper with the password scribbled on the front. Neville sighed softly, happy to be out of the dormitory. When he'd returned to his room, Harry was busy stopping Seamus and Ron from casting some kind of gruesome curse on each other. He hoped they didn't. He didn't want to have to watch out for slugs all over his dorm room again.

Neville shuddered at the thought. Slugs were okay when they were in the greenhouses, as he could quickly cart them outside and place them somewhere where they wouldn't eat precious plants. But in your bedroom? That was a different matter entirely.

Neville wandered down in to Hogwarts' entrance room and casually peeked into the grand hall to check if anyone worth talking to was up. When he discovered the answer was a certain no, (the only kid he could recognise was Colin Creevey, and he wasn't that desperate to talk to someone...) he turned towards the direction of the greenhouses and set up a steady pace.

He reached them within ten minutes, and quickly placed all his belongings into a cozy corner shaded by a medium sized palm tree that had been known to occasionally ask a bystander "To be, or not to be, that is the question... Or is it?". This troublesome habit didn't bother Neville, as he had quickly devised the answer of "Everyone uses quills now." Which sent the tree back into its' spiral of contemplation.

For half an hour Neville sat in the tranquil environment of the greenhouses, the only sound being the occasional murmur of the palm tree next to him as it thought out loud. The potions work was hard, as it always was, but somehow being somewhere as quiet, and relaxing as the greenhouses almost made it bearable. Neville had just let out a sigh of contentment, when a scuffling noise reached his ears.

Feeling curious, Neville leant forward, to be met with the pale face of Draco Malfoy.

"Agh!" He yelped and shot backwards into the palm tree (which rather nonchalantly asked "Is it the question?" in the tone of a plant that is starting to question its whole existence.)

"Longbottom!" Draco said, in a voice that masked surprise and contempt and managed to come out as slick sounding as, well, a slick thing.

Neville recovered himself enough to stand up, so he could lock eyes with Draco. Yes, he was rather scared of the other boy, and yes, he was currently glancing around for a way he could make an incredibly quick exit, but there was no way he would let Draco now that. "What do you want, Malfoy?" Neville asked, trying to keep his tone neutral.

Draco had already regained his cool, and had regained his usual smirking look, although there seemed to be something else to it at the moment... What that something else was, however, Neville couldn't place. "That's none of your concern, is it?" He sneered.

Neville rolled his eyes in an attempt to keep up his brave charade, and bent to retrieve his bag of books. His potions parchment lay on the side of the palm trees plant pot, and as he lent to collect it, another hand interceded.

"What's this; your potions homework?" Draco asked, despite the answer being obvious.

For the first time during this confrontation, Neville's cool slipped. "What are you doing, Malfoy?"

Draco looked affronted. "Where does it say in the rules that I can't come and visit the greenhouses? Besides," he continued in the same tone of voice, but changed his posture slightly, as if he was shifting nervously. "Who said I was coming here for the plants?"

Neville raised an eyebrow and placed his hand out, palm up. "Can I have my homework back?"

"What do I get in return?" Draco asked.

Neville had no idea what to say to that. What had gotten into the other boy? This was one of the first times, ever, that he'd even attempted a proper conversation with Neville. The fact that Neville tried to avoid him like the plague whenever the met in the corridors didn't help...

"I... Uh... eh?" Neville responded, after realising that the silence between them had suddenly become... awkward...

Draco stepped forward, and- because it had become practically instinct for him- Neville stepped back.

And fell over.

Somehow, with the amazing grace the Neville had, he managed to land on the plant pot, with his back leant against the palm tree. All in all, it was one of the comfiest fallings over that Neville had ever experienced.

Not that he really had time to contemplate that fact, as suddenly Draco was leaning directly in front of him, his eyes gazing straight into his. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to take your homework."

Neville stared, unsure of what to say. His mouth moved, but his brain hadn't yet computed what could possibly be happening.

Draco was asking about taking his homework? Nah, he'd just steal it.

Draco was now leaning over him with a rather weird look in his eyes? Nah, he was just about to kick him in the side.

Draco was alone? Nah, Crabbe and Goyle were probably lurking around the corner, in their weird lurky ways.

"But, er, that's my potions work..." Neville said.

"You think I don't know that?" Draco replied with a roll of his eyes. "I've been sat there watching you do it for the last twenty minutes- agh!" He slapped a hand over his mouth.

"You've been watching me?" Neville yelped, sounding as shocked as Draco looked. "Why?"

Neville, still trying to figure out _why_ Draco Malfoy would even bother to watch him do his homework, decided to make a break for it before things got weird. Yes, weirder than they already were.

With a awkward roll to the right, Neville fell off the plant pot and landed on the floor with a soft wmmph. The palm tree seemed to notice his absence, and started absently quoting Shakespeare in a lofty voice. Ignoring the deranged tree, Neville squirmed forward and reached for his potions parchment.

Draco didn't realise what had happened until the parchment had been yanked out of his grip and a rather proud of himself Neville stood to his side, clutching his bag.

"Hey! Give that back!" Draco snarled, his surprised look chased away by his normal sneer.

"No thanks." Neville yelled, as he sprinted as fast as he could away from the greenhouses and back into the main school. His bag bumped against his back and his homework threatened to take flight from his shaky grip, but he kept running until he was a comfortable distance away. Once he'd frantically checked behind himself to make sure he wasn't being followed, Neville allowed himself a short breather.

With a dramatic sigh that would have made Ron proud (not that he would admit it), Neville sank down against the wall and closed his eyes...

"Nevillie, er, what are you doing?"

Neville glanced up at Hermione, who was standing a few feet away, looking incredibly baffled. He blinked. "You will never believe what just happened to me."

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><p><strong>SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.<strong>

**I don't actually know how well I did on this. I know it has a rather abrupt ending and blah but if I kept it going there would have been another three pages about nothing of particular interest.**

**Thanks for reading, and I'll update when I can :3**


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